Refuse to eat

what should i do? My 10 months old still refuse to eat anything other than milk, which she also doesn't drink alot. Since 6 months old till now, I've been trying to feed her but not even one time that she want to open her mouth to eat. No cereal, no porridge, not even finger food successfully made it into her mouth. What's the problem with her? I start to panic.

Cow shh shh

Barney show is showing someone milking the cow.
Xinyi asked mama: what's cow doing? " . She answer herself " cow shh shh ( peeing )"... :)

Mama Papa

Showing Xinyi some of my old friend's photo.
Mama: who is this?
Xinyi : mama

Showing her another photo.
Mama: who is this?
Xinyi : papa

After showing her a few photos.. Conlusion: to Xinyi, all women that she cannot recognized equal to mama, all men that she cannot recognized equal to papa , occasionally equal to kong kong ( grandpa )...

:)

Tense

I've been very tense lately. Don't know why, everyday i just feel stress. I think this is all because of me pumping milk , worrying that the milk is not enough for my bb so when something interrupted and i can't pump my milk on time, i got stress up. If i wake up slightly late in the morning, i got stress up worrying that my girls might be waking up while i'm pumping. Then i have to make sure Xinru nap after taking her bottle in the morning, so that i have time to pump and cook lunch for Xinyi. Then i have to make sure both girls taking their nap at the same time at the afternoon so that i have time to pump again. During night , i have to make sure both girls sleep early so that i can pump without dragging it too long. haiiii .. why am i so worrying about pumping milk? How nice if Xinru can just nurse on breast. HOw nice if both my girls don't have any allergies issue and i can just feed her formula.
I need to relax. How can i go throught this everyday if it's always so tense. I'm not happy at all . I'm not enjoying my kids and the moment that i spend time with them. I always wonder in my mind whether what is the next pumping session.

Girl please corporate

Pray pray pray, i hope i will able to collect Xinyi urine today to send for test. I'm so stress for the whole night thinking of how to collect the urine. Suppose to collect yesterday but Xinyi didn't pee for the whole morning and the hospital lab only open up to 1pm. Same thing for today, if Xinyi doesn't pee or we didn't manage to collect when she pee, then we will not be able to send her urine for test today. We can only collect her urine when hubby is around. I don't see there is anyway i can collect it myself and send the urine to hospital bringing two girls along. That will be impossible.
Pray pray pray.. stress stress stress... :(

We need professional help

I'm so tired of handling Xinyi. We seriously need professional help or else i think Xinyi will go into the stage where she will start to develop into autistic. She is scared of everything, scared to pee, scared to poo, scared to brush her teeth, scared to take shower, scared to wash the hair, scared to play at the playground, scared of lizard, butterfly and whole lots more. Scared this scared that. When i said scared, she is really scared. ONce i mention the word take shower, or brush the teeth, or go shhh shh, go da bian, she will start to cry already and keep shaking her hand, no no no. She will keep on telling us, no shower ar, no wash hair ar, no blah blah blah.. and keep on crying with big tears rolling down her cheeks, shivering in fear..haiiii. I just don't know how to handle this kind of situation. Everyday the list of what she scared will always go longer and longer and longer. I think she start to not able to go through her life normally already cos the normal thing like taking shower, washing her hair, brushing her teeth, pee , poo already become something torturing for her.
. I just told hub, we have to bring her to see psychiatric or else she will definitely become an autism kid. We have to seek professional help to give us some method on how to resolve this and correct this and know what we have done wrong.
I'm such a failure. Kid that staying home with mum is usually a healthy and confident kid. But my girl, go opposite. There must be something that i did wrong until she become like this.

My glorious days are gone

Of me able to make close to 50Oz of milk per day. I'm so sad. Now i can only make probably 25Oz or less. It's just about meeting Xinru needs with very little extra left maybe. Why declining? I just don't have time to pump that frequent anymore. You see, Xinru rejected the breast totally at 3rd months after i was away in hospital with Xinyi for a few days. Before that i was doing mixing of pumping/feed with bottle and direct nursing. Since she rejected the breast , i just pump for her to drink from bottle. I was manage to make it to 5 pumps a day , then i have to reduce to 4 pump when i'm getting too tired and i think i needed a nap in the afternoon. Then i further reduce it to 3 times only when i no longer sending xinyi to half day day care and only let her join in the 3 hour playgroup program , which means i now have to cook for her and bath her and also she is spending more time at home.
I try to increase the pump but i just can't find time. There is no way that i can sit down and pump when both kids are crying , yelling , screaming needed me accompany them. My worried that is that the milk supply will further decreased and eventually gone. I'm not ready to stop yet. My initial goal is to make it to at least 1 year. 1 and a half year will be the best. I don't want to go through the history of giving formula to my baby and later only realized that she is allergic to cow milk/soy milk and having bad constipation when she is on formula. I go through once with my elder daughter and until now she still can't get rid of her bad allergies and also the constipation because drinking soy milk ( her soy milk allergies is more minor compare to cow milk).
So sad. Hub is supportive to onleave a day so that i can do more pumping. But a day just won't help anything, isn't it?

Xinyi is recovering

Thanks for all the wishes. Xinyi is now recovering. She was admitted to hospital last Saturday and was discharged on Tuesday. She is definitely back to her own self, well, almost. She is still coughing from time to time with lots of phlegm so she is still on medication to treat her cough and phlegm but her lung is already cleared from the infection. It's a relief for us.

Xinyi update

Hub brought Xinyi to see her paed on the 3rd day of CNY while i stay at home to take care of bb. Turn out that her ulcers is not something to worried about but the sound in her lung is. She got lung infection and needed the antibiotic. Night mare begin. After she is started on antibiotic she has the worse diarrhea of her life. She lost all her appetite and won't eat anything at all even though the ulcer no longer bother her. The taste of her antibiotic is so bad that she cannot take it and vomit out all her food in her stomach. She looks so pale and sick. She is not active at all and doesn't talk much. She spend most of her time lying on bed looking blank. We tried to feed her some medicine to stop the diarrhea but she hates that medicine even more. I can't remember how many times we have to clean her and the bed sheet because of her vomit and also the diarrhea. We wanted to bring her back to paed then only realize that her paed is off today. We can only bring her back tomorrow. I foresee that she will need to be admitted to hospital. She lost so much fluid and she still breath with sound in her lung. I can hear the sound when i put my ear on her chest. It's very very scary for us.
Hub can't take leave so if Xinyi is admitted i will have to stay at the hospital with her. I 'm still thinking how am i going to pump the breastmilk in the hospital for my baby girl to drink? How am i going to store the breastmilk in the hospital and sterilize the pump parts?
I really hope Xinyi can recover fast and back to her normal self. It's heartache to see my girl suffer like this. I wonder whether i am a good mother. How come my girl always sick?

What a new year

Two days before chinese new year, we have been busy cleaning the house and when i change xinyi diaper, i realize that she doesn't pee much. Well, actually i should say almost no pee at all. I thought i must be too busy to lure her to drink more water. ( oh ya, she still need to be told to drink water or else she can go for a long hours without feeling thirsty). At night , when she is having her milk. She complain that her mouth is painful and when i check on her, she got an ulcer at her lower lips. She refuse to drink her milk after that and went to bed.
On the next day which is the new year eve. She refuse to drink any water, or having any meal. I thought her ulcer must be rather painful for her. At night, i decided to force open her mouth to check on the ulcer, then only i realized that she is not only having one, but having quite a few of them. I immediately say to myself , oh gosh, don't tell me is hand foot mouth disease again. CHecked her foot and hand, so far no rashes yet, and no fever as well. I start to panic, holiday ler, where to bring her to see doctor. How am i suppose to isolate her with my baby.
Today morning, which is the first day of CNY, she started to develop fever. Gave her paracetamol and control her temp. She don't have any appetite at all and refuse to eat anything. Asking her to eat, is just like asking the sun to rise from west. Impossible. The spit out all the food that we force into her. She even refuse to drink water. At least she is still wiling to take her paracetamol. Me and hub just worried sick that she might be dehydrated. And for Xinru, she just stay one of the bedroom. We only walked into the room to feed her. Most of the time, she is left alone , entertaining herself when she wakes up. I feel so bad about this but no choice. I don't want her to get close to Xinyi at all. And it need both me and hub to take care of Xinyi as she has been very difficult to handle.
Both of us are so tired. We spent hours and hours trying to ask Xinyi to eat and drink. Sometime it took us few hours just to ask her to drink a few sip. And that also we threaten her by turning off the TV and only on the TV back on when she is corporate. Don't even think about solid food. She just took like 2 bites of bread. She is also glued to TV whole day. WIthout TV, i think she won't even take in anything at all.
What a new year we have this year. Hub said this is the worse New year he ever had in his life. Ya, me too. We are mentally and physically exhausted.
I hope Xinyi will get better tomorrow. I hope Xinru can spare from going through this. Keep my finger cross.
Happy Chinese New Year ...